3 things which will make your journey of becoming an effective parent easy.

 3 things which will make your journey of becoming an effective parent easy.

Parenting is an art and science, but don't worry even if you have done commerce or not completed your education you can still be a great parent.

We have to keep in mind following 3 things in order to make our parenting journey easy.

1. Open Mindset

We all have some preconceived notions as to how parenting should be done; it could be due to how we were raised or how we saw other people raise their children. Some of the things may be good but there is a high probability that the method was wrong.

So we should have an open mindset that whatever we knew about parenting could be wrong.

2. LLL - Life Long Learner

A great part of parenting is facing challenges. Our children will continuously throw challenges at us, the challenge thrown by a 3 year old would be different from the challenge thrown by a 10 year old or even an 18 year old.

So we should be willing to adapt to the situation, learn new parenting skills and help our children in their transition into adulthood.

3. Last but not the least, Patience.

While we are upbringing our children we will need loads and loads of patience.

Parenting is not a 1 day job, 1 week job or a 1 month job, it is a life long process. To be an efficient and effective parent we need to have patience.

✓Patience in teaching our children good habits.

✓Patience when they fall in trouble.

✓Patience in helping our children understand themselves, their emotions and ways of expressing their emotions in a healthy manner.

If we implement these three things:

1. Open Mindset

2. LLL - Life Long Learner

3. Patience

then our journey of becoming an effective parent would become easy.

-Abrar Ibn Ibrahim.

An educationist and father of 3 amazing children.

Don't let your child have this regret at his/her death bed.

 A study was conducted with people who were on their death bed and they were all asked a single question.

What is your biggest regret in life?

The overwhelming response from the people who were at the end of their life was something along the lines, "I wish I had lived a life true to my self, not the life that others expected of me."

I bring this up because the concept embedded in this thought is the biggest obstacle we and our children are facing today.

We let life live us , we don't live life.

We choose to be responsive and reactive to the different things that are thrown at us ,sure making the most of it but also not being ambitious and looking to create an alternative for ourselves. We are so strongly influenced by other's expectations that we default to meeting their standards rather than setting our own, and this influence is so sub concious and deeply ingrained in our decision making that it becomes the greatest regret while dying.

Even though parents may be having the best of intentions for their kids, they end up pushing them on this path by deciding what success is and trying to mold them(children) in to someone who can achieve this pre concieved success and end up influencing them in a negative way.

So what can we do so that our children don't have this regret while dying?

1. We should encourage them to live life actively and not passively.

2. We should teach them to be intentional in whatever they do.

3. We should allow them to set their own values (guiding them, so that they don't end up having low values).

4. We should nurture them in such a way that they learn to make decisions about where one should put his/her own time and energy.

5. We as parents should assist them in determining what fulfilment ,happiness, joy, success mean to them and not everyone else.

When these children who are nurtured upon the above fundamentals turn in to adults and begin to think independently, they attract opportunities and manifestations of those thougths.

They will slowly find alignment in their life and the passionate inspiration that comes with it, which is the secret ingredient of a fulfilled life.

Parents should understand that their role in upbringing of children is similar to that of someone growing a plant. We can water the plant, protect it from harmful things, put fertilizers; but we cannot make an apple tree give mangoes.

Hope this article helps parent in their pursuit of upbringing happy and healthy children who will become assets to the world at large.

- Abrar Ibn Ibrahim

(I am an educationist, who believes that proper knowledge combined with correct implementation is the only path to betterment of self and society).

I can be reached at abrar.mujawar@gmail.com

3 books every Muslim must read daily at home

Allah the Most High is more merciful to man than man himself. It is from this infinite mercy that Allah didn’t leave the slaves to themselves, rather He the Most High sent his chosen slaves I.e. messengers and sent down books in which there is light and guidance. Through the books and messengers, man comes to know his purpose of existence and existence of universe and recognises his true God, one who is worthy of worship; Allaah.

Allah the Most High has given his believing slaves a special command, as it is mentioned in Surah Tahrim 66:6

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلَائِكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ شِدَادٌ لَّا يَعْصُونَ اللَّـهَ مَا أَمَرَهُمْ وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمَرُونَ 

O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.

In the tafsir of this verse, Hafiz Ibn Kathir mentions statement of Ali ibn Abi Talib(may Allah be pleased with him) in his famous tafsir Ibn Kathir.

“علمو انفسكم وأهلكم الخير”

Teach your self and your children The Good.

A Muslim who cares for himself and his family, must strive his best to learn the khair.

As paradise and hell are recompense from Allah, a person who does good for him is good and one who does evil then his recompense is as such.

Khair lies in learning the deen , implementing it and teaching it to others.

Apart from attending gatherings of Ahle ilm or listening to lectures online(true Ahle ilm who do not speak from ones desire nor twist Quran and Sunnah to justify oneself) one should make a habit of having a gathering of ilm at his home with his wife and kids.    

As we are living in a time about which Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said :

A time will come upon people, the example of one who is patient upon his deen is that of a person holding burning coal in his/her hand.

And in another Hadith,

A person would sell his deen for dunya.

It becomes more important for a person learn his deen and make his family learn the deen, so they remain firm upon Islam, especially in times of trial.

1. Short tafsir of Quran

Every day make a routine either after fajr or whenever comfortable read 1 page of tafseer (just plain reading in case something is not clear you can always ask your local scholar)

Better to start with the last juz of Quran, whose surahs are mostly memorised and often recited.

Eg Ahsanul Bayan in Urdu/ Hindi

Noble Quran by Dar us salaam in English

2. Riyadh us Saliheen

This is a beautiful book well recognised amongst the scholars all over the world, covers a variety of topic especially related to softening of heart

Dar us salaam has published a very good copy with a brief commentary.

3. Sealed Nectar.

Many muslims claim to love the prophet and would even die for defending his honour, but very few know about his life and conduct.

This book is one of the best books regarding Prophets biography concise and to the mark.

Links of above books are available below, one can get it delivered at his door step.

1. Tafsir of Quran   

Urdu : Ahsanul Bayan

http://amzn.to/2wTKlHT

English : Noble Quran

http://amzn.to/2wRQfct

2. Riyadh us saaliheen

http://amzn.to/2wSefMH

3. Sealed Nectar

http://amzn.to/2wT8puc

Initially try to read from one book a day.

Eg. Monday tafseer 

Tuesday Riyadh us saliheen 

Wednesday Sealed Nectar.

Slowly one can increase it depending upon himself.

Regarding this one should remember the saying of scholars 

Little which is done regularly is better than a lot which is done once and left.

A story a day

Allah has created man in such a manner, that he likes stories ( we all can relate, how we used to love listening to stories from our grand parents though imaginary and absurd it was).
Stories have a great impact on human life, no doubt Allah has mentioned so many stories(qasas) in the Quran, apart from being interesting it teaches valuable lessons of life.

During this era of electronic outburst people hardly find time to read such stories alone or with their family.

One of the best ways to be connected with our children , especially in this era of distraction and electronic games, is to sit with them and read a story.

One of the best book in the topic of stories, is “Qasas ul Ambiya “ or ”Stories of the Prophets” by the great author of Tafisr Ibn Kathir, Hafiz Ibn Kathir.

One can easily get it in the local Islamic book store,
those who wish to get it delivered to their household can order via the link below.
p.s. We all are shephards and we’ll be asked regarding our flock (family)

Allah The Most High does not do injustice !!

From the infinite blessings of Allah The Most High upon the slave is that, Allah The Most High has not burdened a soul with keeping account of his deeds himself, rather Allah The Most High has appointed special angels, Kiraaman Kaatibeen; whose duty is to keep records of deeds.
If Allah The Most High had burdened a soul with keeping record of his good deeds, and only those which are kept in record would be rewarded, then life would have become miserable, every person would be seen carrying pen and paper, recording his good deeds, and man by his nature forgets things.
Similarly, if Allah The Most High had made a rule that only those bad deeds which you remember will be forgiven and you will be punished for those which you have forgotten life would become unbearable .

Rather Allah The Most High who is Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem removed this burden from man and kept it upon himself to keep the record of everyone's deed because it is only Allah The Most High who doesn't do injustice and who doesn't forget.

(Taken from Allah ka Taaruf Dars 20 of Shaykh Abu Zaid Zameer(حفظه الله))

Threats to Veil: Lurking Dangers at Modesty

The most dangerous events for a Modest Muslimah, where her veil is under the threat are Nikah in a family or festivals of Eid. These two are the events when cousins and other relatives crowd even around   veiled Muslimah and take liberty to talk to her freely.

I have seen marriages of girls who have never shown their face to naMahram but in their own weddings during the final stages of walima, their cousins swarm on the stage to take pictures of the bride along with them. Obviously till then the hall was segregated and no males were allowed in to even look at the bride who other wise is in her niqab. But the cousins  take it as their right to invade, keeping aside all the norms of Hijab. the invasions are such milliantly liberal that even the bride is helpless. Where are the elders at that time?

During Eids, grown up younger cousins  chase modest cousin sisters asking for eidee ( Eid gift) and stretching their hands to have an "Eid mumbarak handshake". How painful it is to realise that our own relatives are the ones who pose a threat to our modesty!

The cyber lanes are the most dangerous lanes for Muslim men and women. Even with pages on deen and posters and notes on deen can lead you to a dangerous situation. Talking and discussing with Namahram and then getting personal with them which begins with clicking likes and putting comments under the notes, shares and postes of young girls. On the faceof it , it doesnt seem to be haram nor can any one declare it to be.. Is it haram to say Mashallah under a girl's poster? Pops up a question. Well it cannot be termed Haram but if it tempts then Surah Isra makes is very clear that " Do not go close to adultery "  Dont forget that you can never fool Allah.

Nothing gives more liberty than school and college campus. Selfish protocals inform you that you have to be polite even when refusing a valentine day card or a bouqette of roses on rose days. "You may  share tea and coffee  in college canteen with boys on  their  birthdays while you continue wearing your niqab and hijab in campus " Urge girls from your friend circle. How can you stay aloof from a birthday party when the boys are so generous and "decent too " !!!

These are microscopic dangers which can spread like virus in your heads and hearts if you succumb to it. After all  the most dangerous viruses that are fatal also come in microscopic size , dont they ? yet we take them as a danger to our life.. Then how about treating these dangers which appear microscopic but can be fatal to your most precious wealth.. your modesty ?

AUTHOR :  Nisaar Nadiadwala canbe reached at nisaar_yusuf@yahoo.com

Women of Paradise!!

Khadijah  bint Khuwailid 

A lady who experienced wealth and hardship, a mother whose children gained dignity of their own, a wife whose consoling words calmed the Prophet (saws) and an example for the world for generations to come: this was Khadijah  bint Khawailid, may Allah be pleased with her.

She was the first person to accept Islam as her religion and her way of life. She was earned the honor of being greeted with Salam by Allah(swt) and the Angel  Jibril.

Khadijah  was the first wife of the Prophet. At the time of the marriage, the Prophet was twenty-five years old, while Khadijah was forty years old. They lived happily together for more than 24 yrs, and Khadijah bore several children. Their first child, a son whom they named Qasim, died when he was only two years old. However, Muhammad(peace and blessing of Allah be upon him) and Khadijah also had four daughters who survived: Zaynab, Ruqayya, Umm Kulthum and Fatima. Then Abdullah was born but he also died in his infancy.

When Prophet was visited by the Angel Jibreel. At first, when he heard the voice and saw the angel, he was shocked and terrified.The angel asked him to recite/read: “Iqra.” i.e the 1^st – 5 verses of surah ‘Alaq or surah Iqra”. This became first revelation of Quran. Then, the angel disappeared Muhammad(peace and blessing of Allah be upon him) was left alone, shaking and quivering at this most astonishing experience. Upon seeing her husband in this shaken-up state, Khadijah was surprised and comforted him to the best of her ability. Khadija soothed him more by saying that Allah would never disgrace him or humiliate him: he was good to the orphans, always helped others and always epitomized perfection of character and honesty. These simple words gave Muhammad(peace and blessing of Allah be upon him) immeasurable calmness , strength and contentment.

Khadijah took her husband to her cousin, Waraqa, and he explained that Muhammad(peace and blessing of Allah be upon him) was visited by the same angel that visited the other prophets with revelation. He told Muhammad(peace and blessing of Allah be upon him)  that he would be driven out by his own people and he would be a Prophet.

Khadija, may Allah be pleased with her, continued supporting her husband, the Seal of the Prophets as he continued receiving revelation. She spent her wealth in the cause of Islam and when the Makkans carried out a total political and economic boycott of the Muslims, she endured likewise. Khadijah , a woman who grew up in the lap of lavishness, bore the hardships of sacrifice because she knew the Hereafter was more important than this life. Unfortunately the boycott left Khadijah extremely weak and she soon passed away.

Even after her death, the Prophet  would send food to Khadija’s friends and always remembered her regularly. Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, would proclaim her natural feminine jealousy to the Prophet (saw) whenever he spoke of Khadija. She asked him why he remembered her so much when now, Allah had blessed him with a younger, better wife. The Prophet got disappointed by this question. How could he not remember the woman who was there for him when the whole world was against him? How could he not appreciate the sacrifices of this noble woman of Quraish who gave up her content life for a life of sacrifice and utmost patience? And how could he disregard the pure beauty and faith of the woman who even Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) and the angel Jibreel had said salaam to? No, he could not and would not forget his Khadijah, his first love, and neither should we. Her example as one of the four best women of the world shines brilliantly for us.