A study was conducted with people who were on their death bed and they were all asked a single question.
What is your biggest regret in life?
The overwhelming response from the people who were at the end of their life was something along the lines, "I wish I had lived a life true to my self, not the life that others expected of me."
I bring this up because the concept embedded in this thought is the biggest obstacle we and our children are facing today.
We let life live us , we don't live life.
We choose to be responsive and reactive to the different things that are thrown at us ,sure making the most of it but also not being ambitious and looking to create an alternative for ourselves. We are so strongly influenced by other's expectations that we default to meeting their standards rather than setting our own, and this influence is so sub concious and deeply ingrained in our decision making that it becomes the greatest regret while dying.
Even though parents may be having the best of intentions for their kids, they end up pushing them on this path by deciding what success is and trying to mold them(children) in to someone who can achieve this pre concieved success and end up influencing them in a negative way.
So what can we do so that our children don't have this regret while dying?
1. We should encourage them to live life actively and not passively.
2. We should teach them to be intentional in whatever they do.
3. We should allow them to set their own values (guiding them, so that they don't end up having low values).
4. We should nurture them in such a way that they learn to make decisions about where one should put his/her own time and energy.
5. We as parents should assist them in determining what fulfilment ,happiness, joy, success mean to them and not everyone else.
When these children who are nurtured upon the above fundamentals turn in to adults and begin to think independently, they attract opportunities and manifestations of those thougths.
They will slowly find alignment in their life and the passionate inspiration that comes with it, which is the secret ingredient of a fulfilled life.
Parents should understand that their role in upbringing of children is similar to that of someone growing a plant. We can water the plant, protect it from harmful things, put fertilizers; but we cannot make an apple tree give mangoes.
Hope this article helps parent in their pursuit of upbringing happy and healthy children who will become assets to the world at large.
- Abrar Ibn Ibrahim
(I am an educationist, who believes that proper knowledge combined with correct implementation is the only path to betterment of self and society).
I can be reached at abrar.mujawar@gmail.com
